For Future Youth Leaders

"If I can get the kids to see me as their buddy, then they'll open up their lives to me, I thought. Well, it worked-unfortunately. That summer, as an intern I had a bunch of spiritually marginal kids treat me like a buddy. But there was a wee problem: It put me in a position of impotence. I had earned their confidence, but I hadn't earned a place of authority in their lives, the right to speak to issues from a godly perspective. I was just one of them-no more. Ministry-wise it was a total dead-end.

I remember John; he was just a sophomore, but he acted much older. He had a quiet confidence that made him way cool. I admired his self-assurance and hung out with him, hoping to gain his favor, to get an in with him. It wasn't all about my wanting to be accepted-I wanted to have a spiritual impact on him, though I had absolutely no idea how I would do this or what it would look like. I listened to-and laughed at-John's off-color jokes, maybe making an "oh, behave" face occasionally. I compromised to win his trust, and I got it. He trusted me enough to let me into his life. But I had absolutely no spiritual impact on his life. None. Zip. Maybe even a negative impact.

The role of youth worker is not to be a buddy or pal. If you hang out with teenagers all the time and see them as peers and best friends, something is wrong with you and you shouldn't be in youth ministry. Sure, you'll befriend kids. But you're their leader, and that defines you as a different kind of friend. Yes, you'll hang out and talk about things other than Jesus. But your relationship with students, as chummy as it may seem at times, needs to maintain the foundational understanding that your reason for hanging is not to be a pal-it's to have a spiritual impact on their lives." - Mark Oestreicher